C, as pilot: Look, I have ONE JOB and that is POINTING THIS SHIP AT THINGS. C: You literally just mountain climbed for 5 minutes to get out of the atmosphere and find that radiation. D: Are you still planetside? C: No, I’m on our ship, I just don’t know where I am. We had actual conversations b/w captain, pilot, and engineer about how fast we could get out of star systems so that S wouldn’t start (another) intergalactic incident. S, our weapons specialist, KEPT SHOOTING EVERYTHING. DV: Why is C a mustachioed cyborg spaniard? C: This is the default face I was assigned and it is wonderful and I am never changing it. R: Do I need an exosuit for this planet? S: Depends how you feel about breathing acid. C: How come nobody ever puts anything in MY locker? DV: Just as a heads up, anything that goes in my locker is probably going to get atomized. D: DV, I’m putting the samples in your locker. C: What happens if I spend all the ship’s money? D: Actually, as Captain I get to assign you an allowance. Were sent on a mission to save a ship from pirates, forgot to turn on our identifier, wound up in a fight with the ally ship instead. DV, as researcher, atomized (destroyed) everything that passed into his keeping. S chose to demonstrate how to use the gun and fire extinguisher tools by SETTING THE LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM ON FIRE and then putting it out again. T, as acting captain, found the option to alert all crew members to “Abandon Ship” and sent this message every 10 seconds throughout the game. C: So you’re saying I should NOT select the atomize “hands" option? S: Don’t use that, it destroys whatever you’re holding. I got to fight a nest full of giant space ants. We went looking for a missing research team and found a nest full of giant space ants. Jumped randomly into the middle of nowhere. Got the captain to unlock it, immediately pressed it. First game, found a button that could only be unlocked by the captain.
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